RQSOnline

Food for Thought!

2009-09-25T02:09:00.000-07:00

Ever the innovator...

Burofloor is currently carrying out trials to grow mung beans in unused office areas around the world. Not only would this be enviromentally friendly but would seriously help food production and cut famine.

The research has been sponsored by the Ministry for Carpet Tiles, an EU-funded agency looking into unusual uses for carpet tiles and associated products. The highly innovative Carpet Tile Rehabilitation Jacket is a prime example of this.

We should be able to publish a report on this later in the year.

The picture above has absolutely nothing to do with this but shows how carpet tiles can accentuate the atmosphere in offices where people don't speak to one another.

Yet another first for Burofloor: Intergalactic leader in carpet tiles.

Controversial solution for Wembley Pitch Problems

2009-05-26T09:05:00.000-07:00

Following outspoken criticism of Wembley's playing surface from influential figures like Arsene Wenger and David Moyes, trials have begun on the use of carpet tiles. Initial feedback has been favourable "Like playing on a carpet" was the comment given by one well-known striker who asked not to be named when it was pointed out to him that he had, indeed, been playing on a carpet.

The announcement that the world's first carpet tile pitch could be in place for the 2010 season has met with mixed response from players, officials and fans. Controversy, however, is centred on commercial issues rather than the tiles' suitability as an all-weather sports surface. As a means of recovering the costs of previous re-turfing, the carpet tiles can be sponsored, either individually or in blocks. "I think it's well cool," said Brian Thudd, an avid West Bromwich Albion follower. "Me and my mates are going to buy 50 tiles between us and spell out something good on the goal line." When it was suggested that this would allow only four letters Mr Thudd looked nonplussed: "Yeah, that should be plenty".

A spokesman for the FA explained the alternative view, "This is clearly an opportunity for big-money sponsors to place images and messages in the highest possible profile viewing medium. We're concerned that ruthless promoters could influence the public into making quite horrendous choices."

Carpet Tiles "A Major Contribution to Road Safety"

2009-05-20T03:51:00.000-07:00

A statement issued yesterday by Luke Whatidunnow, Minister for Carpet Tiles, confirmed rumours that tests have been completed on the importance of carpet tiles in reducing traffic accidents.

Whatidunnow, previously Undersecretary of State for Nasal Hair, was appointed to this newly-created post following a cabinet shake-up during which he found a number of personal photographs featuring MPs of all parties (especially the ones that the police are unofficially invited to at 3.00am).

Speaking at a press conference yesterday, he laid out his vision for the role of the carpet tile in road safety. "The many and varied uses of carpet tiles have been largely overlooked for many years," he stated, drawing on his experience as a charter member of the Saddington and Fleckney Carpet Tile Appreciation Society. "In a carefully controlled experiment on an unidentified London Street, we replaced the traditional pedestrian crossing with one made of carpet tiles."

"As the photographs clearly show, the new crossing is not only more conspicuous, and hence safer, but it is also more comfortable to walk on in bare feet - an increasingly prevalent activity in our capital cities."

"More detailed analysis has been temporarily suspended following the theft of the crossing twenty minutes later, but early signs are encouraging."

Oldrod and Pole-Dancer in £12m TV Deal

2009-05-18T05:22:00.000-07:00

Flamboyant design guru Julian Pole-Dancer has teamed up with veteran gameshow host Sandy Oldrod to present the new carpet tile shopping channel created by communications giant RQSOnline. Oldrod, 73, recently in the news for his sensational divorce from 18-year-old model and chatshow host Zarathustra Frottage, spoke to us from his luxury villa in Clacton-On-Sea: "I've admired Julian for many years, and it's a great opportunity to be working with him." As a recent runner-up in the cult reality show "I'm a nonentity, humilate me", Oldrod is enjoying new exposure following his previous acquittal for exposure.

Julian Pole-Dancer, the ever-popular presenter of fashion reality shows "Extreme Sellout" and "Rip My House Out", declined to confirm rumours of a £12 million signing deal, but was happy to share his thoughts on the new venture: "I had a phone call from Sandy and, like, you know, Wow! It's the Sandy Oldrod! Well, suddenly I'm like Janet Leigh suddenly seeing Tony Perkins in drag and suddenly thinking, like 'This is so sudden!' Can you believe that? This is, like, me, like working with an actual legend, you know?"

Julian's First Post

2009-05-11T06:09:00.000-07:00

Working with Sandy, or "Mr Excitement" as we all call him in the studio has been such a privilege. He's a true legend; I remember watching him on Sponge My Family and Maim The Celebrity and wondering how he got to be so incredibly successful. And now I'm sharing a screen with him.

Now that we have our very own blog, I'm looking forward to keeping you updated on what's been going through my head.

At Home with Julian and Sandy

2009-05-11T04:40:00.000-07:00

Hello carpet-tile-enthusiasts everywhere!

Julian and I have been very excited all this week, and I'm sure you can guess why!

We've been so delighted to hear from you with your super suggestions for what we can do with our carpet tiles. Nearly every one of them is currently being examined by our panel of experts. One or two of them weren't entirely practical - and I think some of us know who we're talking about, don't we, U. R. Soles of Bloxwich?