Oldrod and Pole-Dancer in £12m TV Deal

Flamboyant design guru Julian Pole-Dancer has teamed up with veteran gameshow host Sandy Oldrod to present the new carpet tile shopping channel created by communications giant RQSOnline. Oldrod, 73, recently in the news for his sensational divorce from 18-year-old model and chatshow host Zarathustra Frottage, spoke to us from his luxury villa in Clacton-On-Sea: "I've admired Julian for many years, and it's a great opportunity to be working with him." As a recent runner-up in the cult reality show "I'm a nonentity, humilate me", Oldrod is enjoying new exposure following his previous acquittal for exposure.

Julian Pole-Dancer, the ever-popular presenter of fashion reality shows "Extreme Sellout" and "Rip My House Out", declined to confirm rumours of a £12 million signing deal, but was happy to share his thoughts on the new venture: "I had a phone call from Sandy and, like, you know, Wow! It's the Sandy Oldrod! Well, suddenly I'm like Janet Leigh suddenly seeing Tony Perkins in drag and suddenly thinking, like 'This is so sudden!' Can you believe that? This is, like, me, like working with an actual legend, you know?"